I never wanted to be a "Stay-At-Home-Mom." I didn't think (this was my 18-year-old self doing the thinking here) that it was the best option, and I wanted to be the BEST. I wanted to be successful, respected and known. Specifically in the field of nutrition and dietetics. That was THE PLAN. I hatched THE PLAN in High school, as a junior: I would go to a university with a well-known Nutrition program (preferably Cornell...I ended up at Syracuse), major in Nutritional Science, become a Registered Dietitian. Get a job in a big city. Find a swanky apartment suitable for a successful single girl and become successful, respected and known. That was the plan. Well, that was my plan.
God drastically altered my trajectory at age 19. Teaching me, through very difficult circumstances (a serious battle with Anorexia and Bulimia), that success, respect and notoriety are not the stuff of satisfied souls. I left the university and the course of study that was supposed produce a fabulously successful single girl and wound up at a little state university feeling very confused about who I was and what I was supposed to do. There, I met the man who would become my husband (God knew what he was doing...thank God!). Slowly, (I'm talking like 10-years people; because my strong-willed-self takes so long to let go of "my way," even when it clearly isn't working) God began to change my values and thinking.
It has been a long, slow letting go. Letting go of THE PLAN--realizing that it never really was the plan. And recognizing that the place I am now: Mom to Sophia, wife to Mark. THIS is THE PLAN, and has been all along. Leaving my job this month was the final letting go. Now I get to be who I was created to be.
In order to enter into this season of life fully I'm trying to clear out distractions: vestiges of THE PLAN and the pursuit of success, respect and notoriety. Which is why I am ending this blog. I want to open myself up, to be available to His plan.
So farewell! Happy Running! Happy Cooking! Happy Mothering!